Most people rust out due to lack of challenge.
– Unknown
It is safe to assume you came to read this entry due to its title, Chocolate Jesus. Some of you may find it intriguing, or provocative, or challenging, or bizarre, or… Whatever you call it, it got your attention, and that is my point.
Just today I found an entry in the Online forum at AuthorNation.com (in my personal opinion the most civilized forum for writers). A fellow author complained about a book that apparently sells very well in the United States, but whose title he found somewhat annoying.
The book in question is I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max. Let me quote from the product description section at Amazon.com: “My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world.”
First, as we all have noticed, the title is catchy, and, in my very personal opinion, there is nothing wrong with that. I am reminded of Al Franken’s “Rush Limbaugh is a big fat liar.” I have to admit I haven’t read it, but the title sticks, and what I heard about the book, it is not about Rush Limbaugh.
Secondly, the author is very provocative and, as it appears, very successful. Whether we agree with his style or not is of no consequence. Tucker Max is not only a writer, good or not doesn’t matter, but he is definitely an outstanding marketer for his book.
I, for my part, have learned a good lesson on the importance of title design and how to get the attention of potential readers. That lesson, however, came after I started writing my newest novel American Male Prostitute. My intention was to be provocative but, unlike Tucker Max, my book has a real storyline.
And, by the way, Chocolate Jesus is a song by Tom Waits on his CD Mule Variations. I remember the day when I checked his large collection of CDs in a local music store. Just reading the titles of his songs was pure fun. The actual performances, however, did not appeal to me. There are some good ones, but mostly it is not my (very personal) taste. Nevertheless, since that time I can always point to Tom Waits’s music when it comes to recommend potential book titles.
Here are just a few more examples (Haven’t checked if they already exist as a book title, though):
- Cemetery Polka
- Tango Till They’re Sore
- Lie To Me
- Little Drop Of Poison
- Fish In The Jailhouse
- What Keeps Mankind Alive
- The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)
- Pasties And A G-String (At The Two O’Clock Club)
- Bad Liver And A Broken Heart
- Better Off Without A Wife
- Warm Beer And Cold Women
- Drunk On The Moon
- Just Another Sucker On The Vine
- Is There Any Way Out Of This Dream?
- You Can’t Unring A Bell
- I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You
- Grapefruit Moon
- Little Trip To Heaven
I felt, I should be writing an update on my novel American Male Prostitute. I am still in Germany (see also my blog entry The Lonely Cold Hotel Room), and traveling here, plus the preparation, took all my attention away from writing. I am finally in the right mind set, and whenever I have time to write I make good progress, usually between 2,000 to 3,000 words per writing session.
Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn’t seem to be working.
- Anonymous
I felt, I should be writing an update on my novel American Male Prostitute. I am still in Germany (see also my blog entry The Lonely Cold Hotel Room), and traveling here, plus the preparation, took all my attention away from writing. I am finally in the right mind set, and whenever I have time to write I make good progress, usually between 2,000 to 3,000 words per writing session.
As a general rule-of-thumb, a good-sized novel should have at least 60,000 words, and the 60,000 word mark is my ultimate goal. In all consequence, I could write a novel in less than thirty days, if only I had the time. Add to this two months of fleshing-out, proof-reading, and editing, and, theoretically, I could publish four books a year…if only I had the time.
The current word count is a little over 16,000, and the first draft will be in the neighborhood of 40,000. Adding another 20,000 is not difficult. The scaffold is up, and filling the interior with more details is as intriguing as writing the first draft. It is always a thrill to watch the story line take turns that you hadn’t expected, even while you’re writing it.
That being said, I will now add a few more thousands of words.
He called her on the road
From a lonely cold hotel room
– Lonestar, I’m Already There
Whenever I hear Lonestar’s song on the radio I can’t help but yell, “You gotta turn off that air-conditioning!”, very much to the dismay of my wife, who loves country music. Now, she can’t listen to the song without thinking about air conditioners, which is even worse.
My comment has also tagged me as hating Country & Western. The truth is, I love Country music when I hear it live, as I did so many times when I traveled in Texas, Ohio, and California. I just don’t care to listen to it on the radio.
As I am writing this, I am sitting in a warm, yet still lonely, hotel room in Hannover, Germany. I miss my wife and my son, who are waiting for my return to Greenfield, Massachusetts. Without them I don’t have the energy to go out and explore. I’m just sitting here and I have only two words for life on the road: Bor ring! (Hey, just copying a quote from Wings, still my all-time favorite sit-com)
Add Leonard Cohen’s Chelsea Hotel #2 to my current mood, and I am ready to decide between suicide and getting drunk. Getting drunk usually wins. Don’t get wrong, I love Leonard Cohen, but you should only listen to him when you’re mentally stable or in a really good mood, and even then you should only take small portions.
So, now that my rant is finished, I feel much better, and I forgot what I wanted to write about originally. Maybe I will go out and have a glass or two of good German beer.
For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
- Lord Byron
Okay, things are getting a little weird. I am putting in a lot of work to promote my novels and, consequently, my web site, but I did not expect the e-mail inquiry I received today from Bruce in New York in regards to my new novel [...]
For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
- Lord Byron
Okay, things are getting a little weird. I am putting in a lot of work to promote my novels and, consequently, my web site, but I did not expect the e-mail inquiry I received today from Bruce in New York in regards to my new novel American Male Prostitute.
It reads: “I am very big in this business… shall we say. And I’m very curious about the research you’ve done on your novel. (AMP). We should talk. Bruce”.
Okay, here I think this Bruce guy may be in the publishing business, and maybe he was provoked by my not-so-nice comments about the industry. I was nevertheless cautious and I wrote back:
“Hi Bruce, I am always open for discussion about my work, but before we do that you should identify yourself. Apparently, you know who I am…;-)”
The answer came quickly: “I have BEEN an “American Male Prostitute”… off and on…mostly on… my entire adult life… I have loads of experiences… and am still in “the business”, as we call it. I’d love to hear more about your novel… etc. Feel free to call me, if you’d like to.” He added his phone number (Note: The little “…”s were his, not mine).
Well… Okay… Dear Bruce, if you want to learn about my novel, please feel free to actually read this blog. The title of my novel is meant in an ironic way; it has nothing to do with prostitution in the common sense. The main character in American Male Prostitute uses, among other things, sex to promote his first novel. That’s all, and I’ll leave it at that.
The best defence against misguided arrogance is a keen sense of humor.
- Kathryn L. Nelson, Pemberley Manor, 2006
You think the title is a little strong? Well, maybe, but there is a truth behind it.
I am sure there are some good ones out there, but I stay with my statement when it comes to the majority of literary agents. As a business man I am appalled by the lack of business sense these people display to the public, especially when it comes to rejecting writers not because they’re not talented but due to primitive reason such as violation of the submission guidelines.
As a background information, I started writing technical literature in 2005 and I never even considered going through an application process; I jumped immediately into self-publishing and my business, Copperhill Media, is now officially a micro-publisher with distribution through Ingram. I have just published my first novel, The Bleeding Hills. I self-publish simply because I just don’t have the patience to look for the right agent and find the right publisher, a process that usually takes years before your work is published. The whole process is extremely ineffective and it does not fit with my sense for business.
I developed my case against literary agents after reading my most-favorite useless magazine, Writer’s Digest. Well, maybe not so useless, since the content convinced me that their preference for established publishing did not agree with me.
Okay, back to the agents… The September 2009 issue of Writer’s Digest includes an article Real Queries That Worked, sub-titled Agents share queries that hooked them – and insights on what made them effective. A remark for the novice: In order to find an agent - Writer’s Digest will gladly sell you a list – you need to submit not only your manuscript – or an excerpt thereof – but also a synopsis, which all makes sense. Through the query – in layman’s terms a cover letter – you need to convince the agent that your novel is the best thing since, let’s say, The Da Vinci Code. There are services - Writer’s Digest will gladly sell you a list – that will write you such a letter, and, naturally, they would like to be paid for it.
Wait a minute, you might say. Isn’t that like writing a cover letter that you include with your resume? The answer is, yes, the process is very similar. I know out of experience that many HR professionals, sitting in front of a pile of resumes submitted by hundreds of people applying for the same job, start their selection process by merely scanning over the cover letter. If they don’t like it, it’s out. After that they look at the remaining resumes and actually check for job qualification. Apparently, literary agents work very similar.
In all consequence, writing a professional looking author query is important, and it makes sense to hire a professional service to help increase your chances.
So, what’s wrong about this process? Okay, first of all, submitting a cover letter with your resume or submitting an author’s query with a manuscript are two very different things. An HR professional looks for one – the best – person to fill a particular job, and, naturally, competition is tough.
A literary agent may end up with the same number of queries on his/her desk, but in the end each of these applications could bring them the next John Grisham, Stephen King, or Dan Brown. Add to this that each query is submitted by a potential customer who, with the sale of the first book, shares his/her income with the agent. This being said, wouldn’t it make sense to read the query regardless of appearance or if it complies with submission guidelines?
As a business man I would concentrate on the synopsis and make the educated decision whether or not the submission has enough potential for another bestseller. I believe in looking at the actual result of the artist’s work.
The Writer’s Digest article mentions the example of an actual query praised by a real agent, saying “…I was hooked and knew I wanted to read…” the author’s work.
Let me quote from the letter: “I believe this book to be of broad public appeal in that it combines the scintillating fervor of scandal with the true-to-life detachment of history.” It goes on like this – in best lawyer’s English – and, honestly, if his work is written in the same style I personally wouldn’t want to read it – it doesn’t read like, let’s say, Dan Brown. It did, however, convince the agent, and, apparently it doesn’t matter if the letter reflects the writer’s style or not.
Well, maybe I still got it wrong and agents just prefer to receive a clear and precise synopsis, but will nevertheless have a look at the manuscript.
It also seems that agents are increasingly using “modern” technologies such as … e-mail! Some of them ask only for information without the actual manuscript. Many agents need to be convinced first that the writer can prove a writing experience, can provide a marketing plan, has won several prizes in writing contest, etc.
Personally, I have not won any prizes – didn’t even attend any contest – but, yes, I do have a precise marketing plan. With a good marketing plan in place, why go through an agent and publisher? If you need to provide the expertise, why not publish yourself? And, by the way, does my novel have anything to do with this process?
Let me add to my case by quoting some agents’ comments as listed in the September 2009 issue of Writer’s Digest:
- We prefer a (e-mail) query before you send us your ms (Manuscript)…Queries sent with attachments will be deleted unread.
- Only (written) queries with SASEs will receive responses. I generally respond to all queries within four weeks. I now accept e-mail submissions, please include my name in the subject line. (Meaning that person is new to Internet technologies and receives e-mail through another source.)
- Allow 60 days for a reply.
- All submissions should be free of spelling and grammatical errors. (Duh!)
- Due to overwhelming number of submissions we cannot respond to all submissions, we cannot respond to all queries, but we do read them and will contact you if interested. (If not, they don’t bother to respond.)
- If she’s interested in your work, she will respond within four weeks. Snail mail submissions will not be reviewed.
- If you haven’t heard from her within eight weeks, please assume she is passing on your project. (Now, that reflects an attitude I wouldn’t want to deal with as a writer.)
- I always welcome submissions from new authors. Follow the submission guidelines on the agency website. (Oops! That’s a good one! This is how it should be!)
- Agent responds in six to eight weeks.
It goes on like this.
Anyways, here are some tips on selecting an agent:
- Check out the agent’s web site. Doesn’t have one? Don’t even bother dealing with him/her.
- Check the web site for submission guidelines and see if you like it.
- Is there a procedure in place? You would not only like to know what is important to them, but also what they will do for you. After all, you are the customer.
As usual, if you feel the urge leave a comment, whether you agree with me or not. I’d like to hear from you.
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
– Jimmy Buffett
As an author these times you spend a tremendous time with building your platform and marketing of your novel. Marketing a novel effectively, as I have learned in the past year or so, is 1000+ times harder than promoting a non-fiction work.
Part of “building my platform” includes writing entries on various Online forums. I have tried some of them and gave up on most of them, fairly disgusted. The only one I currently maintain is AuthorNation.com, where I get the feeling that I am amongst people who are like me, aspiring and looking for success. Here, we do thrive from each other’s input.
In one of the posts I mentioned that I had ideas for at least another three novels, and that number is actually a conservatively low estimate. For the longest time, since the publication of my first novel The Bleeding Hills, I was thrown back and forth between two of the contenders, The Fellow Utopian and American Male Prostitute.
I have to admit, The Fellow Utopian was my first idea for a novel, and I am desperate to finish it. It does, however, require a tremendous amount of research. American Male Prostitute, however, is a relatively easy writing, since I am familiar with the odds and ends of the publishing industry. I had started writing both novels simultaneously, but it was amazing how fast I finished the first few thousand words on American Male Prostitute.
Since the release of The Bleeding Hills, I also learned that the presence of a second novel might have a greater impact on my first work than the actual first novel itself. So, I was pressed to make a decision between these two.
The winner is clearly American Male Prostitute. First, the title itself is the best marketing tool, because it is provocative, and I have already written more than 7,500 words. Writing American Male Prostitute is fun, and I am not saying that writing The Fellow Utopian isn’t. Well, in all honesty American Male Prostitute is more fun, and that is the reason that writing it will result in better progress.
Let it hereby known that Wilfried F. Voss’ next novel will be titled American Male Prostitute.



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Sunday Bloody Sunday – Beyond U2
January 30th marks an anniversary in recent Irish history that most people living outside of Ireland and the Northern Provinces recognize only through a famous U2 song, Sunday Bloody Sunday. Unfortunately, the song is still misinterpreted as a “rebel song.” Nothing could be further from the truth. The band was aware of the controversial nature of Sunday Bloody Sunday, that its lyrics might be misinterpreted as sectarian, and possibly jeopardize their personal lives.
I can’t close my eyes and make it go away.
- U2, Sunday Bloody Sunday
The Bleeding Hills - A Novel by Wilfried F. Voss
January 30th marks an anniversary in recent Irish history that most people living outside of Ireland and the Northern Provinces recognize only through a famous U2 song, Sunday Bloody Sunday. Unfortunately, the song is still misinterpreted as a “rebel song.” Nothing could be further from the truth. The band was aware of the controversial nature of Sunday Bloody Sunday, that its lyrics might be misinterpreted as sectarian, and possibly jeopardize their personal lives. Some of The Edge’s original lyrics explicitly spoke out against violent rebels, but were omitted in order to protect the group. The result is a song with virtually null relevance – other than its title – to the events of Bloody Sunday, and, in all consequence, U2 should have taken the efforts to find a different title for an otherwise extraordinary anti-violence song.
What happened in Londonderry on January 30th, 1972 went far beyond violence, and the song does not recognize the real issue at hand, the oppression of the Catholic minority living in Northern Ireland. Carmen de Monteflores once said, “Oppression can only survive through silence,” and while I applaud U2‘s campaign for anti-violence in Northern Ireland, I fail to see how the oppression would have ended without the war that followed after Bloody Sunday. On that day, members of the 1st Battalion of the British Parachute Regiment shot twenty-six demonstrators. Thirteen people, six of whom were just seventeen years old, died at the scene, with five of those wounded shot in the back. To this day there is no evidence that any of the demonstrators were armed.
Northern Ireland, during 1950s, 1960s 1970s, and beyond, was a place at odds with the rest of the civilized Western world. The pride of defeating Nazi Germany was still remarkably alive in the United Kingdom and fighting Communism had become the prime directive. However, in contrast to the self-proclaimed image of defender of the free world, their halo paled as they turned a blind eye on the oppression of the Catholic population in Northern Ireland. Northern Ireland was a place where the treatment of the Catholic minority came with the foul stench of Kristallnacht, the night when the Nazis coordinated an attack on the Jewish community in Germany as part of Hitler’s anti-Semitic policy. Most certainly, in the history of mankind there has been no greater crime against humanity than the Holocaust, but the question is, has Kristallnacht ended with the defeat of Nazi Germany? Did the world get a false sense of security?
The British occupation of the Irish island began as early as the late twelfth century, and attempts to annihilate the Irish identity fill the history of English rule. Some of these attempts carry a striking resemblance to Hitler’s henchmen trying to eliminate the Jewish population in Germany, although not quite as methodical. History is also filled with constant acts of Irish resistance, and no ruling king or parliament was ever able to solve the problem. The saying is that the nineteenth century Prime Minister William Edward Gladstone tried to deal with the Irish question, but never found the answer as the Irish continued to change the question.
December 1921 saw the signing of the Articles of Agreement for a Treaty between Great Britain and Ireland, which established a free Irish republic with jurisdiction over twenty-six of the thirty-two counties. It also created the separate province of Northern Ireland that remained under British rule. It consists of the six northeastern counties of the predominantly Protestant Ulster region.
The terms, as negotiated by the founder of the IRA, Michael Collins, did not find the approval of the entire Irish population and, even though the Republic of Ireland was officially established, the battle for Irish reunification began. The importance of the IRA, though, endured a slow, but steady decline until the late 1960s, which saw increased confrontations between the Civil Rights movement in Northern Ireland and British officials, especially the Royal Ulster Constabulary (RUC).
The Civil Rights movement’s demand was, just to name one particular issue, for equal voting rights. The current system allowed only house owners to vote in local elections, and they were predominantly Protestants supporting British rule in Northern Ireland. The Protestant majority defended their superiority by engaging their own militias against Catholics, and they were actively supported by the predominantly Protestant RUC.
By the summer of 1969, these disputes reached the dimensions of an outright Civil War, and in August of 1969 the British government deployed troops to Northern Ireland with the intent to restore public order. “Operation Banner” ended at midnight on July 31, 2007, thirty-eight years later, instead of the planned “few months,” and it represents the longest deployment in the history of the British Army. The death toll included more than 3500 civilians and 763 soldiers.
In 2008, General Michael Jackson, the British Army Chief, called Operation Banner a successful combat. Nothing could be further from the truth. The English army became part of the problem very quickly, and they turned out to be another player in the conflict, not a referee.
Initially, the Catholic population welcomed the presence of the army in the hope they would serve as a neutral force and protect them against the RUC and Loyalist forces. However, their hopes were shattered in July 1970 during a British operation called “Falls Curfew,” which resulted in three days of rioting and battles between the British Army and Irish Republican paramilitaries. In the final tally, five people were killed, and three hundred were arrested.
The streets of Londonderry endured a long line of events filled with violence and the rage among the Catholic population turned not only into increased support for the IRA. They expressed their anger in a series of protest marches. One of these marches took place in Londonderry on January 30, 1972. That day was seared into the memories of the Irish people as Bloody Sunday.
The Civil Rights Organization of Northern Ireland had contacted the RUC’s Chief Superintendent, Frank Lagan, to inform him of their intention to hold a non-violent demonstration and to protest against internment without charge or trial. The internment, officially named “Operation Demetrius,” allowed the RUC and the British Army to detain suspects without justification. Lagan, in turn, notified the British Army and requested they keep away any military interference, a wise recommendation and, if followed, could have prevented the bloody events. The army, however, turned down before, was eager to prove that their well-rehearsed plan would put an end to the riots in Northern Ireland.
Just a week before Bloody Sunday, at an anti-internment march held at Magilligan Strand, British soldiers beat a number of protesters with such an intensity that their own officers had to physically restrain them. An attack on the patrol car of two RUC officers resulted in their deaths the Thursday before Bloody Sunday at Creggan Road. Nevertheless, the organizers of the Sunday march, the Northern Ireland Civil Rights Association, had called for a peaceful march. They tried everything to prevent a repeat of the events at Magilligan Strand.
The march started almost an hour late from Central Drive in the Creggan Estate and proceeded toward the Bogside area of Derry. The official report, produced only a few weeks later by the Widgery tribunal, tried to downplay the magnitude of the march and gave an estimated number of somewhere between 3,000 and 5,000, while organizers claimed a number as high as 20,000. The correct figure was likely somewhere in between.
The organizers had intended to direct the march toward the town’s guildhall and hold a meeting there, but British military units had erected a number of barriers at strategic spots to seal the demonstration in the Bogside area away from the guildhall. They had also positioned a large number of snipers at strategic points around the perimeter of the Bogside area.
The barriers, the snipers, the stone throwing that followed, and the verbal abuse – all this was as familiar territory for the demonstrators as it was for the soldiers, who were very well protected in their anti-riot gear. The marchers did not suspect that the army’s reaction would be somewhere out of the ordinary. Maybe they would see some rubber bullets fired at them, maybe some gas, and then they would proceed to their meeting with the feeling they had fought well for their cause.
The exact details of the British Army’s reasoning for their attack are still, more than 30 years after the fact, under investigation. The fact is that the British Army engaged into a massive combat operation. Armored cars raced through the streets at a speed of forty miles per hour, thrashing through a horrified crowd. This was not a spontaneous response to a violent provocation, this was a well-rehearsed military operation. The soldiers that jumped out of the armored cars were paratroopers not wearing the usual anti-riot gear. Instead, they were wearing full combat gear. They took their strategic positions quickly and precisely and then they started shooting, using their fire-and-movement tactic as if they were fighting another army.
The only possible explanation for the army’s savage attack is that they believed they had effectively provoked an encounter with IRA forces. That was evidently not the case. Regardless of whether or not the attack was initiated on grounds of an erroneous interpretation of the circumstances or a more sinister plan, they were not able to recall their forces. Once a bloodhound smells blood, he is impossible to stop.
At the end of the riots, members of the 1st Battalion of the British Parachute Regiment had shot twenty-six civil rights protesters. Thirteen people, six of whom were just seventeen years old, died at the scene. Five of those wounded were shot in the back. After the shooting ended the army continued with collecting the dead and wounded, lining up demonstrators against walls, searching, and abusing them.
The Army Headquarters in Northern Ireland dealt with the following media inquiries particularly badly and defensively. The British Army Chief, Major General Robert Ford, just as useless as his fellow officers seeking to explain the firings, claimed his soldiers had only fired at IRA snipers and grenade-throwers, which turned out to be a blatant fabrication.
The question is, what was so different, so significant about Bloody Sunday? There had been rioting before, and people were killed. While that is true, the events of Bloody Sunday manifested a magnitude that was beyond anything that had happened before in Londonderry. Until Bloody Sunday, there was only a struggle for civil rights. There were riots, but the killing of people was a disturbing exception. After Bloody Sunday, it was outright war.