The best defence against misguided arrogance is a keen sense of humor.
- Kathryn L. Nelson, Pemberley Manor, 2006

American Male Prostitute - A Novel by Wilfried F. Voss

You think the title is a little strong? Well, maybe, but there is a truth behind it.

I am sure there are some good ones out there, but I stay with my statement when it comes to the majority of literary agents. As a business man I am appalled by the lack of business sense these people display to the public, especially when it comes to rejecting writers not because they’re not talented but due to primitive reason such as violation of the submission guidelines.

As a background information, I started writing technical literature in 2005 and I never even considered going through an application process; I jumped immediately into self-publishing and my business, Copperhill Media, is now officially a micro-publisher with distribution through Ingram. I have just published my first novel, The Bleeding Hills. I self-publish simply because I just don’t have the patience to look for the right agent and find the right publisher, a process that usually takes years before your work is published. The whole process is extremely ineffective and it does not fit with my sense for business.

I developed my case against literary agents after reading my most-favorite useless magazine, Writer’s Digest. Well, maybe not so useless, since the content convinced me that their preference for established publishing did not agree with me.

Okay, back to the agents… The September 2009 issue of Writer’s Digest includes an article Real Queries That Worked, sub-titled Agents share queries that hooked them – and insights on what made them effective. A remark for the novice: In order to find an agent - Writer’s Digest will gladly sell you a list – you need to submit not only your manuscript – or an excerpt thereof – but also a synopsis, which all makes sense. Through the query – in layman’s terms a cover letter – you need to convince the agent that your novel is the best thing since, let’s say, The Da Vinci Code. There are services - Writer’s Digest will gladly sell you a list – that will write you such a letter, and, naturally, they would like to be paid for it.

Wait a minute, you might say. Isn’t that like writing a cover letter that you include with your resume? The answer is, yes, the process is very similar. I know out of experience that many HR professionals, sitting in front of a pile of resumes submitted by hundreds of people applying for the same job, start their selection process by merely scanning over the cover letter. If they don’t like it, it’s out. After that they look at the remaining resumes and actually check for job qualification. Apparently, literary agents work very similar.

In all consequence, writing a professional looking author query is important, and it makes sense to hire a professional service to help increase your chances.

So, what’s wrong about this process? Okay, first of all, submitting a cover letter with your resume or submitting an author’s query with a manuscript are two very different things. An HR professional looks for one – the best – person to fill a particular job, and, naturally, competition is tough.

A literary agent may end up with the same number of queries on his/her desk, but in the end each of these applications could bring them the next John Grisham, Stephen King, or Dan Brown. Add to this that each query is submitted by a potential customer who, with the sale of the first book, shares his/her income with the agent. This being said, wouldn’t it make sense to read the query regardless of appearance or if it complies with submission guidelines?

As a business man I would concentrate on the synopsis and make the educated decision whether or not the submission has enough potential for another bestseller. I believe in looking at the actual result of the artist’s work.

The Writer’s Digest article mentions the example of an actual query praised by a real agent, saying “…I was hooked and knew I wanted to read…” the author’s work.

Let me quote from the letter: “I believe this book to be of broad public appeal in that it combines the scintillating fervor of scandal with the true-to-life detachment of history.” It goes on like this – in best lawyer’s English – and, honestly, if his work is written in the same style I personally wouldn’t want to read it – it doesn’t read like, let’s say, Dan Brown. It did, however, convince the agent, and, apparently it doesn’t matter if the letter reflects the writer’s style or not.

Well, maybe I still got it wrong and agents just prefer to receive a clear and precise synopsis, but will nevertheless have a look at the manuscript.

It also seems that agents are increasingly using “modern” technologies such as … e-mail! Some of them ask only for information without the actual manuscript. Many agents need to be convinced first that the writer can prove a writing experience, can provide a marketing plan, has won several prizes in writing contest, etc.

Personally, I have not won any prizes – didn’t even attend any contest – but, yes, I do have a precise marketing plan. With a good marketing plan in place, why go through an agent and publisher? If you need to provide the expertise, why not publish yourself? And, by the way, does my novel have anything to do with this process?

Let me add to my case by quoting some agents’ comments as listed in the September 2009 issue of Writer’s Digest:

- We prefer a (e-mail) query before you send us your ms (Manuscript)…Queries sent with attachments will be deleted unread.

- Only (written) queries with SASEs will receive responses. I generally respond to all queries within four weeks. I now accept e-mail submissions, please include my name in the subject line. (Meaning that person is new to Internet technologies and receives e-mail through another source.)

- Allow 60 days for a reply.

-  All submissions should be free of spelling and grammatical errors. (Duh!)

- Due to overwhelming number of submissions we cannot respond to all submissions, we cannot respond to all queries, but we do read them and will contact you if interested. (If not, they don’t bother to respond.)

-  If she’s interested in your work, she will respond within four weeks. Snail mail submissions will not be reviewed.

- If you haven’t heard from her within eight weeks, please assume she is passing on your project. (Now, that reflects an attitude I wouldn’t want to deal with as a writer.)

- I always welcome submissions from new authors. Follow the submission guidelines on the agency website. (Oops! That’s a good one! This is how it should be!)

- Agent responds in six to eight weeks.

It goes on like this.

Anyways, here are some tips on selecting an agent:

- Check out the agent’s web site. Doesn’t have one? Don’t even bother dealing with him/her.

- Check the web site for submission guidelines and see if you like it.

- Is there a procedure in place? You would not only like to know what is important to them, but also what they will do for you. After all, you are the customer.

As usual, if you feel the urge leave a comment, whether you agree with me or not. I’d like to hear from you.

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