I’m a controversial figure: my friends either dislike me or hate me.
- Oscar Levant

Describing the American singer-songwriter Tom Waits is not an easy task. I am thrown between calling him controversial, bizarre, or brilliant (Lady Gaga move aside…). And I still haven’t decided whether or not I like his music. I believe, it may be an acquired taste.

Since I am lacking the words, let’s refer to critic Daniel Durchholz who described Waits’ distinctive voice as sounding “like it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months, and then taken outside and run over with a car.” His lyrics, sung with his trademark growl and incorporated into styles ranging from blues, jazz, and vaudeville, are mostly portrayals of grotesque, often seedy characters and places, although he has also shown a penchant for more conventional ballads.

One of these songs is The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me), and like this one, just reading the titles from his CDs puts an occasional smile on your face. Here are just a few more example:

• Cemetery Polka
• Tango Till They’re Sore
• Lie To Me
• Little Drop Of Poison
• Fish In The Jailhouse
• What Keeps Mankind Alive
• Pasties And A G-String (At The Two O’Clock Club)
• Bad Liver And A Broken Heart
• Better Off Without A Wife
• Warm Beer And Cold Women
• Drunk On The Moon
• Just Another Sucker On The Vine
• Is There Any Way Out Of This Dream?
• You Can’t Unring A Bell
• I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You
• Grapefruit Moon
• Little Trip To Heaven

The Piano Has Been Drinking Not Me

Tom Waits

The piano has been drinking
My necktie is asleep
And the combo went back to New York
The jukebox has to take a leak

And the carpet needs a haircut
And the spotlight looks like a prison break
‘Cause the telephone’s out of cigarettes
And the balcony’s on the make

And the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking

And the menus are all freezing
And the light man’s blind in one eye
And he can’t see out of the other
And the piano-tuner’s got a hearing aid
And he showed up with his mother

And the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking

‘Cause the bouncer is a sumo wrestler
Cream puff Casper milk toast
And the owner is a mental midget
With the I.Q. of a fencepost

‘Cause the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking

And you can’t find your waitress
With a geiger counter
And she hates you and your friends
And you just can’t get served without her

And the box-office is drooling
And the bar stools are on fire
And the newspapers were fooling
And the ash-trays have retired

‘Cause the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking

Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me

Last, but not least, a little gem…