“Cemetery Polka” and other dark stories from New England by Wilfried F. Voss

Cemetery Polka and Other Dark Stories from New England by Wilifred F Voss
The photo “Stupid Shit!?!” was taken inside the Poet’s(!) Seat Tower in Greenfield, Massachusetts in July of 2011.

I live in Grand Fenwick, Massachusetts. I observe. I get annoyed. And I write. And that, in remarkably few words, is my excuse for writing Cemetery Polka and other dark stories from New England.

Don’t waste your time trying to find Grand Fenwick on the map. The town of Grand Fenwick, Massachusetts, its residents, and events are a product of my vivid imagination. Nevertheless, Grand Fenwick represents every small town or village in New England that managed to escape the gravity of the larger, liberal, and vibrant cities. Unavoidably, due to lack of inspirational stimulation, the people of Grand Fenwick have developed their unique social responses.

Geographically speaking, all of the Grand Fenwicks in New England are trapped in economically depressed areas, nurturing a conservative mindset that, ironically, prevents any economic or social progress. In layman’s terms, the town of Grand Fenwick “is so like last century.” Thus, the name Grand Fenwick is carefully chosen.

I never imagined that you could live in an American equivalent of Leonard Wibberly’s Duchy of Grand Fenwick, or even that a Chevy Chase movie like Funny Farm was not based on mere fantasy, but careful observation. Living in Grand Fenwick has changed that impression (without extending my horizon, I may add), and that is what my stories are about. Well, you may call me the poor man’s Leonard Wibberly, and that would still be a huge compliment, and I tend to ignore anybody criticizing me and my writings. Life in Grand Fenwick has provided me with a skin thicker than I imagined would be possible.


Needless to say but nevertheless enforced by legal counsel, what you are about to read is based solely on the author’s dirty fantasies and vivid imagination. The contents of my stories are strictly of a satirical nature based on my personal views and should not be taken seriously. While inspired by personal observations, all characters appearing in this work are fictitious, and any resemblances to real persons, living or dead, and events are purely coincidental. Shame on you if you believe the nonsense I write!

Stories from Grand Fenwick, Massachusetts

  • Cemetery Polka
    Is it impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune? – Modified; originally by Woody Allen
    Read the story…
  • We Live to Love Another Day
    I want freedom for the full expression of my personality. – Mahatma Gandhi
    Read the story…
  • The Last Farewell
    The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways – I to live, and you to stay in Grand Fenwick. – Sorry, Socrates!
    Read the story…
  • Gay Pride Festival
    The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision. – Lynn Lavner
    Read the story…
  • Bad Liver And A Borken Heart
    There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again. – Clint Eastwood
    Read the story…
  • Warm Beer And Cold Women
    Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. – Carrie Fisher
    Read the story…